Ozymandias X Reader -- Epitaxisidion
by Arse1933
Summary: YOU AND OZY GO TO GUCCI AND OZY GETS A LITTLE SPICY


"Ozy, Ozy!" you called out to your man. You looked everywhere for your gold-clad man of sunshine who blasted away the rainy clouds of your days, but couldn't find him. Despite the spaciousness of the store, it was very open, so there were no hiding spaces. You couldn't imagine where he would be.

* * *

-FLASHBACK-

"Ozy, let's go somewhere!" You pulled at his cape. He slapped your hands off.

"Haha, very well! We shall go to my favorite shop!" He picked you up, walked outside, and threw you through the open window of your car. He went to the driver's side, and opened the door and got in like a regular person. He backed into the garage door.

"AHH!" He screamed in rage at the steering wheel, "you dare block a Pharaoh's path?!" He drove forward a bit then slammed back into the garage door with even more force until it broke. You thank Ra that you had decided to buy bumper reinforcements.

After a while of Ozy's maniacal driving where he managed to run every red light, never use his blinker, and probably personally shoot down someone on the road's family, you gathered the courage to ask him a question.

"...so, about the garage... how will we repair it?" You got straight to the point, hoping that he would appreciate it. He turned to look at you. "Ozy, the road."

"Y/n," he still looked at you, "anything that insolent does not deserve life. I will never allow it to exist again. As sure as the sun rises, our garage will not have a door."

"Ozy, the road!" You screamed at him. You blacked out from stress and fear.

"Dear, wake up!" Ozy shook your shoulder.

"Huldsjegbg wheu hwhauaaa?" You whipped your head around, whipping saliva along with it. You wiped the drool from your face, and looked out the window to see what Ozy was so excited about.

"It's Gucci!" He exclaimed and barreled out of the car. You unbuckled your seat belt and followed him out through the window; you knew he would leave you behind.

"I just spent the past hour on Kim K's Instagram so I am PUMPED for fashion right now!" He said as he walked into the store. You looked at him.

"Ozy? What are we gonna do here?" You looked at the expensive clothing and accessories, knowing full well neither of you had the means to pay for it. Mostly because both of you left your wallets at home due to the spontaneity of the excursion.

"Isn't it obvious? Buying objects and goods! And before you give me that look, I have a tab here." Ozy addressed your concern over money, which was the honestly the only thing you could think to worry about that made sense, so even though the whirlwind that was Ozymandias put you slightly on edge, you decided to let go and enjoy the trip. "Tailor! I demand nothing but the finest garments for the Pharaoh's partner!" He shoved you directly at the store attendant, ignoring the fact that he was not a tailor. You stopped yourself right in front of the attendant, and smile politely. He looked sickened, but that's probably not because of you.

"Of course. Here we have..." The attendant guided you through the store.

By the time you had picked out an entire outfit to try on, Ozy was nowhere to be seen.

-FLASHBACK END-

* * *

"Ozy?" You searched every where twice, but you still couldn't find him. "Ozy..." you slowly slumped to the floor. You pulled your legs inwards and wrapped your arms around them. You couldn't believe it. He took the car, so you can't drive back. It was then that you spotted him. He was coming in through the store entrance.

"You!" He screamed and ran towards you to embrace you, "I'm so happy you waited! This proves our bond!"

"Haha, where were you? I was so worried!" You laughed, but were suddenly confused, "what do you mean 'waited'?"

"To be buried, of course! Although you are not the radiant Nefertari, you are still the Pharaoh's concubine and Master. I realized this when I was driving home. So I have turned back and decided to exit this world once more, alongside you." Ozy said.

"Thank you, Ozymandias. I love you." You whispered to him, but your words were muffled because your face laid buried in his chest. You were already over the fact that you will never be number 1 in Ozy's heart, but as long as you can be his number 2 in online tabletop games, you were fine. Realization struck you like it probably struck Ozy earlier, "why am I gonna get buried? I'm not dead!" You pulled your head from him to look into his eyes as fervently as your heart was beating. Are you dead? What the hell was he on about? Was he planning something?

"You always say, when you die, you want to be buried in Gucci, and because it's my favorite marketplace, I thought it would be fun for both of us! You chose wonderful funeral clothes, as well." He looked at the outfit you picked out from the collection that's name was in Italian. You felt vaguely complimented. "I am also glad I came back. I forgot I was going to use my pyramid to crush both of us. While you want to enter the next world through Gucci, it is unbefitting for someone close to the Pharaoh to be buried somewhere other than a pyramid." You realized what happened.

"Ozy, it's a song." You explained to him, "I was singing a song."

"A song? Do your people sing songs for the dead?"

"I meant that I was singing a song, I don't actually want to be buried in Gucci. That's just how the song goes." Ozy's demeanor became ashamed.

"Oh." You couldn't stand to see him so down. Even if he was going to kill you. He was doing it for you. You cup his face.

"But I wasn't lying when I said 'all I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe'." He laughed. You wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.

"Haha! How forward! But I will grant your request! Come, let us go home!"

 _ **HERES THE OZY X READER LOVE THAT LITTLE MAN. I HAVE ONE FOR CASGIL, BUT ITS NOT EVEN A QUARTER FINISHED. I WONDER WHY IN EVERY STORY OF MINE THERE IS ATTEMPTED MURDER OF THE READER. ANYWAY, LIKE, READ, REVIEW, I TAKE REQUESTS BUT PLS NO JALTER**_


End file.
